I just don't know how to feel anymore... I've been working my ass off for the past 3 years to try to get some sembilence of a life back... No luck... I'm still having to depend on other people for support (a place to crash)... and it's killing me..
I wanna know if I'm just being a whinny ass:
Do you think it's right for someone to take money from you for rent, yet you don't have your own space? (and two rooms are unoccupied)
Do you think it's right for someone (who doesn't have a job) to expect you to pay rent and do housework (after you come home from work, or before you go to work, or on your days off) while that person and their boyfriend (who doesn't have a job either) sit at home all day and do nothing but watch tv and smoke dope?
Do you think it's right to pay rent and have someone still expect you to go out and buy things for them (ie: cigarettes)?
Do you think it's right that someone expects you to drop whatever your doing and run to the store for them, or whatever else they exepect you to drop everything to do for them?
Do you think it's right for someone to critisize how you spend the money that you have earned?
Do you think it's right for someone to get mad when you go out to see a friend? (when you've spent the last month and a half at home)
Do you think it's right to have to stay in a room because you can't stand to be around someones boyfriend cause they treat you like a dog? (ie: talking down to you)
Maybe I'm just being selfish.. maybe I am not being greatful enough for the things I do have.. but I just don't think it's right.. any of it... and this is the current situation I'm living in...
How can I believe anyone... here lately all I've been told is lies...
I'm physically sick... what's the point.. I can't believe a word from just about anyone anymore..
hummm.. still that nagging feeling of wanting to run.. wanting to go.. wanting to just do something more... what? Ummm.. if I knew I'd be doing it...
I believe that life is a constant struggle with the what if's.. at least in my life it is..
What if I hadn't made that decision... What if.. what if.. what if....
Can I blame anyone for my current situation.. no.. no one is to blame but myself.. but I sure as hell can be mad at those who I feel have contributed to my current situation... Yeah.. mad as hell...
I need to quit being so damn nice to everyone.. learn how to say no.. learn how to stick up for myself and quit letting everyone walk all over me... It's making me sick, both physically and mentally... Constantly worrying about weither they are going to approve.. or how it's going to effect everyone else...
My ideal situation would be something that I could call my own... A decent job, I don't have to like it, just better paying... so I can afford my own place again, my own space, it doesn't have to be big.. it doesn't have to be wonderful.. but at this age.. I should have somewhere of my own...
Something more than this corner of a room, living under a roof that I vowed never to live under again... Working the meaningless job that I'm WAY over qualified to be doing... Dealing with stupid people every day, who treat me like dog shit and expect me to smile and say thank you...
~*Other Information*~
Pointless information.
1. Name: Winter (yes.. that is my given name.. on my birth certificate)
2. Nicknames: Serenity or Veronique
3. Place of birth: California
4. Eye color: hazel (mostly green)
5. Can you roll your tongue: yes, quite well
I’ve been told…. lol
6. Sexiest Part on you: My eyes.. or so I’ve
been told
7. Colored hair: Every color you can imagine
with the exception of blonde
8. Tattoos and where: Use to have 4 now
only have 3… (covered up 2 with one big one) I have a skull coming out of the ground with roots coming out of its eye and nose and the top of it’s head (that’s on my right breast); A rather large Asian style panther on my left shoulder blade; and the triple goddess symbol with the Scorpio symbol in the middle on the back of my neck
9. Piercing and where: 5 in my right ear.. 1 in my left
10. What goes on first, Thongs or boy shorts? Neither.. I hate underwear…
11. Are you evil?: I think so.. and so do most of the people I know
12. Do you play in a band or play an instrument?: Nope.. not talented enough
13. Do you believe that you can be possessed?: Yeah….
14. Who is your favorite band?: The Doors
15. What kind of books do you read?: A lot of
different kinds
16. Are you religious?: Not anymore.. I’m between religions at the moment… lol
17. Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?: Sure… if they are interesting to me…
18. Do you believe in vampires?: Of course
19. Do you believe in witchcraft?: Yes.. very much so..
20. Do you like modeling and/or acting?: Acting yes… modeling.. yeah right.. I don’t kid myself… LOL
21. What jewelry do you usually wear: A amethyst silver ring on my right hand middle finger… and a silver topaz (birthstone) on my left hand ring finger..
22. What’s sexiest on a guy?: LONG dark hair
23. Would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look good?: Definitely on time.. I hate when people are late, so I try to be at least on time if not a few mins early.
24. Do you cook: Yes and I’m quite good at it, or so I’ve been told..
25. Do you mumble to yourself: All the time…
26. Do you spit in public: yep
27. The C.D. player: Is usually not working…
28. Person you talk most on the phone with:
No one anymore…
29. If you had a favorite serial killer who would
it be?: I would have to say Albert Fish
30. What’s your sleeping position: On my side with my arm under my head, and one leg
curled up…
31. In a hot weather do you use a blanket: Yeah.. I use a blanket year round…
32. Do you sleepwalk: No
33. Do you talk in your sleep: Yes.. I’ve been told that I have had whole conversations with people while I was asleep, though my eyes were open.. I can’t remember the conversations… lol
34. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: NO…
35. How about the lights?: No lights… The darker the better
36. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on: music sometimes.
37. If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?: I want to be murdered by someone I know… I want it to be as bloody as possible, and to take as long as possible…
38. Do you like biting?: OH YEAH BABY!!!! The harder the better… mmm mmm mmm…
39. Do you watch pornography?: Yes… and I think that I’m the only woman who will actually admit to watching it.. and liking it… I HAD quite an extensive collection… lol
40. Are you a virgin?: Ummm.. No…
41. Are you kinky?: OH Yeah…
42. What is your favorite color?: Black and
Burgundy
43. What is your favorite drink?: Sprite…
44. Are you a violent person?: To myself…
45. Do you take your anger out on other
people?: No… I don’t know how to show my anger other than taking it out on myself, physically..
46. Do you blame other people for your
mistakes?: No..
47. Are you a paranoid?: No… WHY??? LOL
48. Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?: Yes.. I’m very jealous person when it comes to someone I care about...
49. Do you believe in God?: The Judeo Christian version… NO…
50. Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?:
Yes Very much so…
51. Do you like to write poetry?: Yes..
52. Do you like to do your own photography?: Photos that I’ve taken.. yes.. Photos of me??
NO…
53. Do you go to many concerts?: When I have the money
54. Do you have any self-inflicted scars?: Yes.. Quite a few…
55. Do you like to read?: Yes.. I read all the time.. at least 20 books a year..
56. What do you like in life?: At the present moment.. nothing.. I’m just here…
57. What do you dislike most about life?: Disappointment.. betrayal… Loneliness..
58. Do you believe in love at first fright?: No… I believe in LUST.. at first sight.. but love takes time…
**GODDESS THAT WAS ALOT OF USELESS INFORMATION... wait.. heres more... LMAO**
Star Sign : Scorpio
Sexuality : Trisexual- i.e.: try anything twice... why twice? Cause you don’t know if you did it right the first time...
Profession : Cashier
Perfect Partner : ummm... there is no such thing...
Interests : Sexuality, Graveyards, Midnight, Blood, Horror movies, Tattoos
Makes Me Happy : Reading a good book, talking to someone INTERESTING!!!
Makes Me Sad : Life.. Being utterly alone in the world.....
Cigarettes : I smoke
Alcohol : I drink occasionally
Drugs :I use to be recreational drug user now... I’m clean as a whistle....
Bad Habits : Bite my nails
Vital Statistics...
Race : Mutt (AKC registered got my papers bitch)
My Favorite...
Food : Stake rare.. Bloody... .
Music : Gothic, Gothic Rock, Alternative Rock, Industrial, 80's, 70's rock, 60's rock
TV Show : Charmed, Angel *how lame.. I know... *
Author : Karen E. Taylor, Anne Rice
Movie : House of 1,000 Corpses, Kindred the Embraced, Rocky Horror, Labyrinth, Legend, Willow, Merlin, King Arthur, The last unicorn, LOTR trilogy
Night Club / Bar : Around here??? You're out of your mind.
Animal : Cats, Lizards, Snakes.
Person : No one at the moment
Place : There isn’t a place I’ve been to so far that I would actually put down roots in... give me a reason to...
Possession / Thing : Kitty.. Yes guys.. I named mine too...
Birthday Meaning:
Your Birth date: November 12
Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.
You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.
You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.
You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs.
** Can you say DUH??, I can... lol**
Your Porn Star Name is: Candy Coxx |
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very Low |
Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Extreme |
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | High |
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Very High |
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very High |
Level 7 (Violent) | Extreme |
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Extreme |
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Very High |
Your Deadly Sins |
Envy: 100% |
Gluttony: 100% |
Greed: 100% |
Lust: 100% |
Pride: 100% |
Sloth: 100% |
Wrath: 100% |
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 100% |
You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic. |
Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band | |
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: | The Doors |
Are you male or female: | Don't You Love Her Madly |
Describe yourself: | Your Lost Little Girl |
How do some people feel about you: | Strange Days |
How do you feel about yourself: | The Unknown Soldier |
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: | I Can't See Your Face |
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: | My Wild Love |
Describe where you want to be: | Riders on The Storm |
Describe what you want to be: | Winter Time Love |
Describe how you live: | Five To One |
Describe how you love: | The End |
Share a few words of wisdom | Not To Touch The Earth |
Found at:: http://www.passco.com/hell.htm
********** THERMODYNAMICS OF HELL **********
( Changing Weather Conditions in Hell )
The following is an actual question given on a University of South Carolina chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
QUESTION:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
(Or, Is the Weather in Hell getting Hotter or Cooler?)
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law. (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following proof.
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that:
Once a soul gets to Hell,
It will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions, and
Since people do not belong to more than one religion,
Then, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
First possibility:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
Then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
All Hell Breaks Loose.
Or
Second possibility:
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
Then the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year,
"...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and
Take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her,
Then the second possibility above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
I want to turn those emotions off... I want to become empty... I want to not care anymore.... I just want to be done with it....
Every lie whispered in the name of love
Every promise that has ever been broken
I fall for it every time.... and I'm tired of it... I'm tired of being used... I'm tired of being played... I'm tired of being second best... I'm tired of falling into the endless cycle of giving and never receiving anything more than empty promises... I'm tired of living with the constant worry of being betrayed... I'm just plain tired.... of everything.... my situation.... my emotions... my life.... my pain....
Please... some deity answer my call.... embrace me with the total void.... Take me a way.... there has to be something better than this... Something better than the lonelyness and lies... Better than the promises... better than constant self doubt... am I good enough... will they care about me... will they grow to love me... will I be what they expect... Will I measure up.. will I will I will I..... In the end.. the answer always seems to be a loud NO followed by the pain...and the pain is so hard to bear....
I bleed just to know I'm still alive....
I want to have a family of my own... It doesn't have to be the traditional "family" unit.... I don't particlarly care for children... I just want to have something to come home to... as of now.. I come home (if one could call it my home, since I live in my aunts office on a cot in the corner of the room) and that's it... most of the time I don't even care to converse with anyone...
I want to be needed... I want to be apart of something... again.. perhaps I am asking too much of life...
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